Ashton Kutcher shamelesly tried to pull off the body waxing scene from "40-year-old Virgin" during a break from filming a movie in France, but as you'll learn real fast from watching this clip -- he's no Steve Carell.
Dude is way less hairy and way less funny -- but you gotta give Ashton props on his body. Demi could do her laundry on that stomach ... if she actually did her own laundry.
Reports of Ashton Kutcher's pap popularity have been greatly exaggerated -- by Ashton himself.
Take a look at Kutcher's latest video on his trusty Twitter page (left) to demonstrate the pap "harassment" at LAX -- getting pissed when one of 'em, according to Demi, called her a "crazy little bitch."
Then check out our video of the same scene (right). There are only about 3 paps total, all friendly, one of whom tells Demi to "be careful you crazy little thing."
In an attempt to turn his contempt towards his "dickweed" neighbor into something comical, Ashton Kutcher thanked the construction workers below his house for putting off their hammering until well after 7:30 AM.
Doing his best John Cusack impression, Kutcher and Demi blasted Peter Gabriel, held up a sign reading "Free Hugs" and even chucked bottles of Vitamin Water down to the rooftop workers below.
With his tail firmly tucked between his legs, a substantially calmer Ashton Kutcher got back in front of his webcam just minutes ago and apologized for verbally bashing his "dickweed ... jackass" of a neighbor over today's early morning hammering incident.
Ashton Kutcher went absolutely insane when he was woken up by a neighbor who started construction on a house at 7:30 in the morning.
Kutcher got a camera and taped the explosion -- it's an instant classic.
Ashton has been blogging updates on the situation all morning -- here are the unedited highlights ... with spelling errors and all:
-- this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick! -- Jack ass 7am building a goddamn fort next to my house f'in up my view and noise polluting the entire f'in neighborhood with pounding steal -- holy moly I'm gonna lose it! -- this ass clown has another thing coming! -- I'm gonna kill my neighbor!
Demi also fired off some shots on her website as well -- here are those unedited gems:
-- calm and gentle baby you can pull out the paint gun later! -- baby keep it together there should only be another 5 months of this. -- the neighbor doing consruction with 6 guys pounding hammers against steel at 7am is no way to wake up!
The man who is building the house that caused Ashton Kutcher to melt down says the actor is acting "silly."
Bruce Goldsmith, a screenwriter, says he's "startled" that Kutcher went crazy this morning at 7:30 AM, complaining of noise at Goldsmith's construction site.
Goldsmith was quick to point out the city of L.A. allows him to start construction at 7:00 AM, and that Ashton "just doesn't want to deal with reality." Goldsmith says Ashton, who called him a "dickweed," a "jackass" and "owl feces cougar placenta," is "out of line." As Goldsmith says, "they don't make hammers covered with rubber."
Goldsmith finds it somewhat ironic that the house Kutcher lives in was built over a ten year period and neighbors had to deal with the noise.
He adds Kutcher has been pleasant in the past but has complained, with Goldsmith telling him he "can't do anything about the noise." He's been building the house for six months.
UPDATE: 2:23 PT: We've now confirmed Demi's scofflaw daughter is 17-year-old Scout. Her offense -- illegal U turn.
Demi Moore has just shown up at the Santa Monica Courthouse with one of her daughters.
Demi and one of the girls are in line at Juvenile Traffic Court -- yes, there is such a thing.
Someone in line is cackling, "Hey, there's G.I. Jane!"
In this court, a parent must accompany a minor child.
Demi looks hot with sunglasses on her head. She's wearing a black top and showing some cleavage -- which should help the case.
Fun Fact -- If Demi thought this was a good day to slip into court, she didn't know there's an epic custody case going on there today involving Kelly Rutherford.
UPDATE: Court is now in session and everyone inside -- including Demi -- is being forced to watch a 30-minute video on reckless driving -- which is still better than watching "Striptease."
UPDATE: Demi and her daughter have just left the courthouse and gotten into a Mercedes. We're told they left in the middle of the video. We don't know the dispo of the case.
Last night's Youth Inaugural Ball at the Hilton Washington was intended for young Americans 18-35, so what the hell was 46-year-old MILF Demi Moore doing there?!
Well, someone did have to chaperone Ashton Kutcher.
Sure, Ashton Kutcher has coached his Harvard Westlake High School football team to an impressive 4-2 record, he brings intensity to the field, and he helps lure legends like Tommy Lasorda onto the sidelines. But the real reason the guys on the squad like him -- the extra tight ends he packs into the stands.
Courteney Cox and Demi Moore are like the 40something Olsen Twins. Although the cougars arrived to a Hollywood event last night looking exactly the same, Demi is actually 18-months-older than Courteney ... for the most part.
Married just three years, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have officially become THAT couple. After traipsing through Chicago in identical outfits this weekend, the Moore-Kutchers further annoyed everyone and finished each other's sentences, raved about how well their youngest was doing in school and talked incessantly about their summer vacation.
Harvey Levin Verne Troyer's ex claims he's full of big threats. http://su.pr/74RdOz
Tori Spelling I'm like only person who hsnt seen #Glee wntd2 2nite but not on! RT@Carrie713:@torianddean Glee really good 2hveU seen tht show yet?awesome
Soleil Moon Frye Watching videos on youtube on #RayKurzweil Wow, I am mesmerized.